In the realms of self-help, personal growth, and motivation, it's often emphasized that a victim mentality can be detrimental—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A victor mentality is more constructive than a victim mentality. Yet, despite what we all know on the inside, being a victim sometimes just feels so comfortable, so usual, so familiar. It is what we have come to expect, so much so that often we don’t even realize we may have become a serial victim.
Well, I have to jump on the bandwagon of others and give you this assurance: if you insist on maintaining a victim mentality, you will forever be a victim, and true health, happiness, and success will likely be elusive.
Before you write nasty comments and call me insensitive (see #5 below), I am not blaming the victim. What I am urging victims to do, no matter how horrific the circumstance, is to see how events continue to replay to shape your personality, your behavior, your faith—your life.
But how can you recognize if you or someone you know has fallen into a pattern of victimhood? Here are seven key signs to watch for.
Never Accept Blame Many victims will never take personal responsibility. Their predicament is always someone else’s fault. Often, this is because once they take responsibility, they are thrust into the unfamiliar territory of not being a victim (on the uncharted journey of becoming a victor)—and this can be very scary
Always Accept Blame Wait, didn’t I just say the opposite? This might seem contradictory, but some individuals who have suffered abuse or violent crimes may internalize the blame, making it difficult for them to embrace happiness and victory. They believe something about them caused them to be victimized.
Can’t Let Go of the Past For the victim, the past is their homestead. They will continue to tap into the past for evidence to support why they must stay a victim. Most of the time, the knowledge they take from the past is not to learn and grow but to reinforce and explain their hardship and disadvantages.
Benefit from It Playing the victim role can confer certain benefits. In medicine, “secondary gain” explains the use or gain of remaining sick. If that’s the only way you get attention, well, then there is motivation to stay down, to remain the victim.
Use It for Power Ironically, being a victim can place one in a position of power. Many quote scripture to flex their victim muscle, “Blessed be the poor.” Additionally, through social media and other outlets, a person can use their victim status to malign someone or a group to get something they feel due them.
Enjoy Throwing Their Own Pity Party The only type of party a victim seems to enjoy is a pity party. And to plan one, all it takes is a good dose of passive-aggressive behavior. “You go on, have a good time. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be here when you get back. Some people are just luckier than me.”
Provides a Convenient Excuse Whatever makes you a victim can keep you neatly tucked in your comfort zone, albeit an ultimately uncomfortable zone. You can use being a victim as an excuse not to challenge yourself or seek personal growth.
Whether you see yourself as a victim or not, recognizing these behaviors is the crucial first step in breaking free from them. And though there are many shades of grey when it comes to being a victim, one thing is constant for all: making it your life mission to change from a victim to a victor mentality. Shifting these mental and behavioral fortresses will connect you to a life where being a victor is the norm as you develop a oneness with your destiny through your Divine nature. This will expose greatness within you, personal power, and pure potential—the real you, the person you were meant to be.
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